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| Last night, my wonderful fiancee and I had our first class with the Meerts who are teaching our marriage prep class, and my goodness, what an awesome joy. I can't sing their praises loud enough, and this is why. Now, if you're reading this, you probably know that I spent a bunch of time in the seminary studying theology. I'm not nearly as well trained as your average parish priest, but I can hold my own in a lot of situations where the topic of conversation is Theology. So, walking into marriage prep, which is often targeted for couples who aren't even necessarily well catechized, I was afraid that I was going to be in for an abbreviated, watered down version of what I learned in the seminary, as I had a whole three hour graduate level course on the sacrament of Matrimony. Also, I am well aware that my posture and fear is an extremely prideful one - one that Lisa has been kind to put up with and to gently nudge me away from. Anyway, prideful as that might be, past experiences of some classes has shown me that when a presenter presents nothing but content, I get bored and check out. ...but I digress. The Meerts are awesome, because their end purpose wasn't to present theology or doctrine (though, that they did and wonderfully). Their end goal was to help us enter into prayerful contemplation of Scripture! After a brief period of getting acquainted with the other couples in the room, we started in on Genesis 1-3, the stories of creation and the fall of man. Furthermore, we read it aloud (the ONLY way to come to know scripture, through the hearing, ask the ethiopian eunuch) and mulled over its contents. This is a winning formula, in no small part because the Meerts don't make it about themselves. It isn't an exercise in learning their system of thinking, nor is it them getting up and telling us what to think and how to think it and to copy their example. It is a window into seeing how God has put humanity together, and their witness of to the Joy that is possible when we cooperate with God's Word. I sing their praises because they help me sing God's praises, and just one class in, I can't wait for what further classes might hold. | |
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| Somewhere it has been said that a shuttle launch is the world's biggest tailgate party for the world's shortest event. Indeed, for STS-134, they said that it was less than half a minute (I have heard 22 seconds and 8 seconds) before the shuttle was obscured from view by the clouds. So, if you make a ratio (and what engineer doesn't) of the time spent getting here to the time spent in the experience, well, let me do the math. Three round trip tickets, six nights of hotel stays, eight days worth of car rentals, at least five tanks of gas. Well, it wasn't cheap, nor was it easy. The final bill goes well over two weeks pay.
So, what did I get for my expenditures? I saw a machine with six human beings in it leave the earth. There is only one place in the world that has seen that many people in one spacecraft, and that is Kennedy Space Center, so it is a special place. As the story would have it, my first attempt was to see STS-133, Discovery's last mission. I missed my flight and went to Washington D.C. instead. Nuts... Then, I came down for STS-134's first launch attempt. Without knowing where I would be, providence gave me a ticket to be at the Visitor Complex. I wanted to see Endeavour's first fire... no such luck from there, but the launch got scrubbed and I went home empty handed. After returning to Denver, the delay to repair the APU power supply drug on, and as they landed on a firm date, I checked my favorite airline for flights, and sure enough, there was one for cheap. I bought a ticket, thinking, "I'm not going to use this, but I want it anyway." Several days later, after several conversations with others, like my Boss and his son who saw STS-132, I purchased the return trip plane ticket. Not long after, I had a car rental reservation and a plan. The final decision to actually come was made the day before when I checked in for my flight. The weather was favorable for two of my three launch day opportunities, and with no technical difficulties being worked, I decided to go ahead and take the plunge. Landing in San Antonio, I got a call from a Lockheed Martin employee who had a Visitor Complex parking pass for me if I wanted it. Making arrangements, I flew to Orlando excited that I would get to see the shuttle with hundreds if not thousands of people at the Visitor Complex. Landing in Orlando, I had a voice mail from the CEO of the company I work for asking me if I was interested in going with him to the causeway. So, I drove from Orlando to Merritt Island super excited that I would be able to see the Shuttle on the pad. As I drove past KSC that night, I saw the VAB and the eerie glow of Xenon lights pouring into the sky. I knew they were shining on the shuttle as it was being fueled, even though I was unable to see the shuttle itself. Finally stopping at Wal-Mart in Merritt Island, I found an empty corner of the parking lot and fell asleep. Waking up at 3:45 AM Denver time, I did as much as I could to get ready for the day after sleeping in the rental car. After going into wal-mart to buy a banana and use the bathroom, I went to rendezvous with the boss man and ride with him to the place of our viewing. Showing up about 90 minutes before blastoff, we walked part of the way down the causeway (NASA PKWY E), seeing only the top half of the shuttle. After a quick jaunt down the rest of the causeway (east), I discovered that seeing the shuttle and the launch pad was a possibility, and the four of us went the rest of the way down the causeway. Once there, we took turns with my telescope and binoculars looking at the shuttle. We were positioned almost directly south of the Shuttle Stack, which meant that the Orbiter's rudder was pointed directly at us and we were looking at the stack such that we could see the top of the wings straight on. With the telescope, I could make out all kinds of details beyond just seeing the External Tank (ET) Solid Rocket Boosters (SRBs) and Endeavour itself. I could see the Ground Umbilical Carrier Assembly (GUCA) that vents gaseous Hydrogen away from the ET, the Rotating Orbiter Access Arm which is what the astronauts went through to get into the shuttle and the beanie cap that the gaseous Oxygen leaves through. I could clearly see the Space Shuttle Main Engines (SSMEs) and NASA logo on the left wing. I could go on for pages with the stuff I saw and could name as it sat there, but you get the idea. As the countdown progressed, the clouds loomed overhead with the angry promise of blocking my view as the shuttle rose. There were gaps in the clouds, but the timing didn't feel right, and none in the group felt it too promising that we would be able to see much. As the loudspeakers behind us informed us of the start of the terminal count, I called a very dear friend (you know who you are) and started to give live commentary on what I was seeing. After the orbiter access arm and beanie cap retracted, the shuttle had nothing in its way before pushing skyward. I can't even begin to describe the time between T-60 seconds and T-15 seconds. They were the longest 45 seconds I have experienced in a long time, but at T-15, even though I couldn't see it, I knew water was going into the sound suppression system. My binoculars hit my face since I knew that I wanted to see it 7x bigger. At T-10 seconds, I saw a brilliant white light under the orbiter's engines. It was the sparkers that burn off excess hydrogen, and it had all the telltale signs of being magnesium. At T-6 seconds, I saw the reddish flash of the SSMEs coming to life and immediately a cloud of steam started expanding toward us. As the cloud expanded, I heard the count go down from 6 to 0 and FLASH. Suddenly, the vehicle started going up like i have seen in all the videos. Unlike the videos, my eyes cried out in pain as if looking at the surface of the sun. Every optical magnification device (telescopes, binoculars, etc..) that I have ever seen has had the warning "Don't Look at the Sun" clearly written somewhere, and now I know why. It hurts... A lot... Fortunately, my blindness was only temporary as I switched from binoculars to the naked eye. I was so distracted by how bright the launch was that I failed to notice the roll program as the intensely bright flame passed through the cloud ceiling. Now, Mike Moses apologized to all the spectators for launching with such a low cloud ceiling. Such was not my experience at all! After the painfully bright view, passing into the clouds was the act of mercy that allowed me to use my binoculars again. Then, the rumble of the blastoff finally got to us and I felt it, though not as intensely as I was expecting. I later realized that the cloud of steam directly in our path probably muffled the engine noise a fair bit. Anyway, the noise blocked out the call I was eagerly anticipating, "Endeavour, GO at throttle up". I thought of challenger just the same as the SRBs continued to visibly burn through the cloud. At T+2 minutes, the sound had died down, and I heard the call, "SRB sep" (solid rocket booster separation) telling me that things had separated. At this point, I could see three distinct white points of light and off to the left, a periodic flash that said to me, "I'm the right SRB!" I watched in vein for the left SRB, but never saw it. Anyway, I continued to track these three points of light to the point where they were one point of light and at T+4 minutes, the faint light passed behind a cloud and my viewing experience was over. At this point, walking back to the car, I asked myself, "ok, that was awesome, now why was this so important to me?" There has to be a reason why I did this. There has to be a question this answers or something that it reveals, otherwise it was a big waste of time and money. In thinking about it, I also pondered my specific decision to not bring a camera. I wanted an experience of the shuttle that was immediate, that is to say, not mediated by film or pixels. I wanted to be in a place where not only could I see the shuttle, but I knew that if the shuttle could look, the shuttle would be able to see me. I wanted to be able to be an old man some day and say, "the shuttle was real, I know because I saw it with my own eyes, and it was AWESOME!" For a perceptive audience, nothing is as compelling as personal testimony. 1 John 1:1 would be an unnecessary verse if the author didn't agree with me on this. There is more - a whole lot more - but that is still to come. For short, there is a necessary harmony between knowledge and wonder. Knowledge without wonder is a dead pursuit of facts without meaning, and wonder that fails to seek knowledge is a sad combination of confusion and despair. | |
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| I sit in church in a city made white with snow, I ask our Lord His plans for me to show. From the depths of my heart I hear His voice say, "unto you My plans I show day by day." So I ponder the vast number of days gone past, and I realize they were quite a blast. None too hard and none too grim, above all none too far from peace in Him. So now to Him I ask Him such, why do I want to know the future so much? The heart of my desire to now inquire lies in a lie that births great fear, the past be done and the present here, but the future exists nowhere near. In response the question He breathes, "Which of these would more you please? Tomorrow as a surprise to unwrap, or make it through tomorrow remaining unflapped? If you must control your end, only yourself can you befriend. In another you find great surprise, seeing another behold your eyes. For in this gaze you will glean, how to other you are seen. In the gaze that comes from the One both near and far, you will see who you truly are. That is the gaze that comes from He, the One who came before eternity." The lesson from Jeremiah has said, let the future be alive, not dead! That which has not yet passed your eyes, remains the gift of tomorrow's surprise. Be not afraid for in His hands, rests His love hidden in His plans. Listen to your heart and He will say, "My love, My self, I reveal to you day by day. All I ask of you; to love, trust and pray." Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone. | |
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| In the Catholic Church, it is a challenge to find someone who hasn't made use of the words "Liberal" or "Conservative" in conversation, It is even harder to find someone who can clearly articulate what these words actually mean. Now, to try and define things, I know that many would look at St. Mark, my home for my years in college and seminary, and call it a liberal place. Some would also look at the parish that I now call home, Our Lady of Mount Carmel, and call it a conservative place. For myself, I am perfectly happy in both places. Both places make Jesus manifest and challenge me to draw ever nearer to Him. Yet sadly, something of division exists there. I don't think many people would be comfortable in both places, and the discomfort would be expressed in saying, "that place is just too [Liberal/Conservative] for me." With this backdrop, I have been reflecting at great length, trying to see what is at the root of this division. Oddly enough, it isn't hard to know what to look for, as with every division where God intended unity in difference, there is a spirit who is not of God, and a lie that said spirit speaks. So, lets start with the lie that is at the core of this. The spirit says, "Truth and Love are not compatible". Now, intellectually, it is easy to look at this and see the lie of it, because Jesus is the Way and Life in addition to being Truth, and Jesus who is God is Love. Yet, the praxis of this falls on harder challenges, as I don't think it is hard to examine one's own experience and see places where one feels like they have to make a choice between living and speaking the truth and choosing to give of self for the good of the other in whatever circumstances they're in. The concrete example that comes to mind for me is a cousin who got pregnant outside of wedlock and the reaction of each of her parents. One made the decision to discard love and the other to discard truth. When faced with this sort of challenge, the liberal is the one who discards Truth in favor of holding on to Love and the conservative is the one who discards Love in favor of holding on to Truth. The reality is that Truth and Love are inseparable, so if someone is in a position where they feel like they have to choose, they have already ingested the poison. This might be a bit of a hyperbole, but when things become entrenched, the liberal ends up losing love and the conservative loses truth. In abandoning truth the liberal is left with sentiment, not love. In abandoning love the conservative is left with rules, not truth. The simple fact is, apart from Love, the Truth is not Truth, and apart from the Truth, Love is not Love. Love is the decision to give of self for the good of the other, and Truth speaks to what constitutes a gift, what is good and who other is. So, who is this spirit? Well, to gain insight into who the spirit is, it is important to see when/where it has the ability to attack. The only kind of situation where I see this spirit having any ability to speak is when someone I care about sins. When a brother or sister sins, this is an injustice, and as someone who desires justice, how do I respond? The only proper way to respond to sin is with the Mercy of Christ, but this requires letting Christ do it, which requires patience on our part. What disrupts patience? Impatience! So, the spirit behind the liberal conservative division is a spirit of impatience. Look at your experience of seeing died in the wool liberals and hard core conservatives encountering each other - rarely does one have any patience for the other. If this is the issue, how is the division healed? Simple, pray for the mercy of Christ and pray for the gift of patience. So, no matter what side of the fence you fall on by tendency, when you exist in communion with someone who has the opposite tendency, it is to everyone's benefit. When someone is loved by a conservative, it is an amazing opportunity for them to fall in love with truth. Likewise, when someone is given the truth by a liberal, it is an equally amazing opportunity for the to be loved by the truth. This is a call to the cross of being patient, and if it seems impossible, you're right. Remember and don't forget, with God, all things are possible. | |
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| Sometimes, in the course of human events, one witnesses something so outlandish that the absurdity of life becomes so undeniably evident that one begins to question one's own sanity. I have had two such experiences in the last three days.
Two days ago, while trying to get ahead on my calculus homework, I had occasion to see (and not hear) two deaf people in a very heated argument about something. Not being versed in sign language, I have absolutely no idea what they were flailing about. Now, I would have chuckled then and there, except for the fact that I was slightly afraid that their evident anger would wind up pointed in my direction.
The second event I witnessed not even a half an hour ago. At a park in north Denver, there were two guys with video cameras filming a third guy on a skateboard trying to land some move. The guy with a skateboard had a very well established pattern of holding his board, running, jumping onto the board, coasting, jumping onto a concrete ridge thing, falling off and cussing. I became quite familiar with this as an onlooker because it had to have happened at least a dozen and a half times. Toward the end, as he got more and more frustrated, his skateboard was punished more and more severly for each successive failure. Now, my knowledge of skateboarding is less even than my knowledge of sign language, which left me in a similar situation. When his skateboard finally gave up the ghost, catastrophically folding in the middle, as no skateboard is designed to do (and a throughly energetic round of cussing from the one who broke it), I decided that my lack of knowledge was probably a good thing. | |
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| For those who have responded that they will be able to come, I have sent directions to the launch site. If I should have sent you directions, but have not yet, just let me know and I'll get them to you.
Before we start the countdown, we will conduct a radio check with the hand held radios.
About four minutes before launch, we will start at T - 3 minutes (Tee minus three minutes)
During this time, the weather officer will be recording measurements. The Range safety people will be scanning the sky (and listening to the radio) to make sure that there are no aircraft in the area. The launch operator will be preparing the rocket for flight and connecting all the wiring.
At T-30 seconds, we will enter a one minute hold in the count, which will put us at T-30 seconds and holding.
During this time, I will poll the Weather Officer, Range Safety Officer, Launch Operator and Recovery Officer for a go/no go for launch.
After the one minute hold, if we are in a go condition, we will move to T-30 seconds and counting. This is our terminal count.
I will call out T-20 seconds, T-10 seconds and from From 5 to 0.
At T-10 seconds, the recovery officer will light up the 10,000,000 candle power flashlight and be ready to acquire the vehicle after the burnout of the thrust phase.
At T-0, the launch operator will throw the final switch on the controller and start the clock counting positive time.
This will be common for all three launches on the 19th.
For the first launch: (A10-3)
T-0: liftoff
T+.8 seconds: engine burnout
T+3.8 seconds: ejection charge fires.
I expect landing to be at about T+10 seconds.
For the second launch: (C6-5)
T-0: liftoff
T+1.8 seconds: engine burnout
T+6.8 seconds: ejection charge fires.
I expect landing to be about T+ 20 seconds.
For the third launch: (E6-8)
T-0: liftoff
T+7.2 seconds: engine burnout
T+15.2 seconds: ejection charge fires
I expect the rocket to float under the parachute for a LONG time. | |
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| Well, I have been doing this by email list, but I think it is time to migrate to a blog. Also, this makes it so that I am updating my blog again, and that is not a bad thing! http://www.n-prize.com/ caught my interest a while ago, and I started thinking about how to go about doing it. There are three basic challenges that need to be addressed; propulsion, guidance and tracking. Anyway, I don't think I have a hope of winning the prize (which expires in September of 2011) but I very much want to put something into orbit for cheap. So, the first step is to learn more about rocketry. Propulsion is the most expensive of the three, though it is probably the easiest to figure out. Guidance and tracking then are what are on the plate for now. Sadly, I have no experience at building avionics, but Model Rocketry is a great training ground for such things. As a booster for experimental avionics packages, I decided to build a Delta II model, complete with strap-on boosters that separate after burnout. As I was addressing the challenges involved with that, I decided that a Delta IV Heavy would be the best way to go, as there are only two strap-on boosters instead of nine, and all three of them are lit on the ground, instead of the 7 on the ground and 3 in the air for the Delta II. I have been developing hardware and support infrastructure for these rockets, and the first test launches are coming up on Sunday, July 19, 2009. I have built a weather station (complete with Weather Vane, Anemometer, 3 Thermometers, Hygrometer, and Barometer). I have a launch controller and am currently working on a launch pad. Pictures of all of these things, as well as the launch site can be found here. All of my launches are going to be done in the pre-dawn hour for three reasons. 1) This is when the air is most calm. I don't want any wind to mess with the angle of attack on the rocket, as the rocket's fins are undersized and only stable for small angels of attack. 2) The darkness will make tracking easier for higher altitude flights. We will be able to track the ascent by the flame of the rocket, and I have a reflective parachute and a 10,000,000 candle power flashlight for tracking the descent. 3) Because the light of the Sun is less than an hour away, we will be able to recover the rockets in daylight, which is a major plus. Also, I need help in the following tasks. • Weather Station: Joe Dygert has agreed to do this and will be there on Sunday. • Range Safety: Their job is to make sure that there aren't any airplanes in the area, and that the pad is properly cleared. My brother (Brian) and my Dad are on this. Also, if anyone has a radio that can listen in on 122.7, this would be a most welcome item. (thanks to Heather for pointing that out) • Pad Technician: Gets everything set up on the pad. More than likely, this will be the same person who is the Launch Operator. • Recovery: Once the sun is up, they go get the rocket. The only one who is specifically disallowed for this job is Father Jeff Norfolk. • Launch Operator: Listens to the calls on the radio, at T-15 seconds, they arm the controller and at T-0, they push the button that makes the rocket go. • Spotters: They are responsible for reporting the angle of the highest point (compass direction and elevation, both in degrees) and the landing point (compass direction) from their position. Finally, I have three fully functional GRMS/FRS hand held radios and one that only works for receiving. Given the size of the launch area, we will need a radio for each of the spotting locations, one for the weather station, one for the Launch Operator, one for range safety and one for the launch coordinator (me). The launch operator, range saftey and weather station locations will also be spotting locations, so the overlap should make things easier. | |
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| Well, tonight, I can't help but write before I go to bed.
I went to This and it was a very lively debate. I think that between the two speakers, the Atheist presented a more convincing argument, not by what he said (because that is ultimately wrong) but because he presented clearly and articulately in an environment that was slightly more sympathetic to his views. Also, with the Christian apologist, there was no marked distinction between how he debated and how the Atheist debated, as both used a myriad of personal attacks that served little purpose, except to show whose side people were on. Anyway, there was something that I took from the debate from the Atheist that I very much want to respond to.
I live with the assumption that people only like good things, and that people can only attach to good things. That being the case, I was curious to hear what the good thing was that the Atheist had attached to. He spent most of his time poking holes in religious arguments and casting shadows over what religious people believe, but there was one point where he actually put something forward, and that he was looking to be free from a cosmic dictatorship, and that was why he chucked any notion of God and held the positions that he held. That means that ultimately, freedom was the good that he had attached himself to.
Now, this got me reflecting on stuff, and I realized that there is a dynamic involved when I assent to something and assert it to be true. I freely and strongly assent to, and assert the truth of the fact that one plus one equals two. Now, in assenting to it, I am now bound to it. In declaring it truth, I have bound myself from saying the opposite. Now, given the nature of that mathematical statement, I am compelled to be bound to believe it. I have no freedom, no leeway, to accept or reject it, as it just is.
So, with the Atheist, the good upheld is freedom from cosmic dictatorship, and yet, he only ascents to a truth when compelled. This leads to the peculiar situation where he only allows himself to be bound by truth when it is accomplished by force! This means that any truth he assents to is a truth that he can in turn compel others to ascent to. There is a power in this that is very seductive. As a scientist myself, I rather like the fact that if I were to make a discovery, I would be able to compel others to accept my conclusions through a rational demonstration of what I had discovered.
There is another freedom in this, which agnostics uphold, and that is a freedom from error. If I only ascent to the truths that I can prove to someone else, than I can speak and always have it be the truth. This is an important freedom, because it is a freedom from being wrong, and a freedom from being wrong is a freedom from the humiliation of having to repent from being wrong. Where this all falls down of course is that there is a big difference between being free from error (not wrong) and being right. He upholds the importance of freedom, but he never actually embraces the use of it, which I find most ironic. He cites his anger against a Celestial Dictatorship, and yet only accepts as truth what the universe dictates to him that he has to.
The sad reality of this is that unless one gives themselves over to a particular truth, they're not bound to it and true freedom doesn't find its expression in power, but rather, freedom is what allows us to be bound to Truth Himself who in being given over is radically free. Religion doesn't propose a truth that we're compelled to believe, but rather, a truth that we are not compelled to believe. We are made in the image of a free God, and our freedom is a mirror of His, and ultimately our freedom is what enables the single most important decision of our lives; do we choose to allow God to love us, or do we reject His love. | |
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| I don't know how to start this blog entry, except to introduce the guy who I met who is the source of this entry. He is a journalism student at the local community college who is working on a piece for their school paper. He saw me in my collar and asked if he could interview me, asking for my contact information. I gave him my email, and I asked him what his story is about. He said he wanted to put the whole abortion debate to rest and solve the abortion issue.
Now, this is an issue that many have gotten very wrapped up in, and there are so many nuances that it is easy to get lost in them. His solution is very simple, turn the abortion mill buildings into adoption agency buildings. Now, I had a reaction when he said that to the effect of, it will never work, but seriously, why not? I am very much looking forward to reading his article, and if it goes online, I'll link to it in a future post. I don't expect him to settle the debate, but he gave me a breath of fresh air in reminding me of just how simple it could be if a few hearts turned toward loving life and seeking to preserve it.
My prayers are with you, "Scoop". I envy the simplicity of your vision, and your desire to see a simple compromise. Write well! | |
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| Well, I know it is a cliche, but I have to say it. Someone up there likes me!
Yesterday, I was walking around Leadville, and much to my surprise, I walked past a store that had a pair of skis (the perfect size for me, 180s) and they had this big sticker on them that said "Free". I was so shocked at this that I went inside and double checked with the guy behind the counter, asking "Are these really free?". He responded with a surprised but slightly joyful smile and said "looks like it." So, I loaded them into the back of the jeep and headed back to the rectory.
After the 7:30 PM Mass, a student who goes to the Colorado Mountain College came over and examined my skis. Much to my delight, the bindings were the adjustable sort that happened to have their largest size as 14, my foot size. So, I asked him how much it would cost to get a pair of sized 14 boots. Giving him 30 dollars, he told me he was almost certain he could find something.
Anyway, just about everything has gone right with this, and I am going to be skiing in 20 days with him, he is going to provide the lift tickets, I am going to provide the coffee and lunch, and it is going to be most awesome... I'm rather convinced, someone up there likes me! | |
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gonkulator's journal
